Episode 4:  "What is Thy Bidding, My Dark Mistress?" - Part 1

March 19, 2008
Fahaheel, Kuwait
By Mary Sincioco

“When I see a woman entirely masked in black cloth, I can't help but wonder what it must be like to be her -- and what it would be like to be fully cloaked in my own life. The garment is at once so alien and so personal, so mundane and yet so fraught with meaning.”
—Danielle Crittenden

Abayas: Body-covering robes.

Hijabs: Hijab comes from the Arabic word “hajaba” meaning to hide from view or conceal. Although in present time, the context of hijab is the modest covering of a Muslim woman. Also called Islamic veils or prayer shawls, hijabs are used to cover the head of Muslim women in compliance to the modesty standard set by the Quran.

Niqab, Khimar, Burka: Different terms for the piece of cloth that is worn to cover the face.

Wardrobe definitions found at www.DesertStore.com. (Check it out if you want to see more outfit examples).

Shopping Ninjas

Life in Fahaheel, Kuwait is...strange. Sometimes strangely normal, sometimes not. It's kind of funny walking around town because everything would seem so western (malls, restaurants, etc) if it weren't for the women in abayas with hijabs, niqabs or burkas. The ironic part is that many are clothes-shopping like crazy for western-style garments! Sometimes when I see these women, I think they look like ninjas or something. I feel a strange compulsion to go up to them and say, "What is thy bidding, my dark mistress?"

When I first arrived in Kuwait I reacted like a culture-shocked westerner… and still revert back to that state at times. I was actually SCARED of all those “Darth Mothers.” When they are wearing the full black get-up, you can just barely see the slits of their eyes. They creeped me out. (Sorry if that’s offensive, just being honest). But now I’m used to it and actually find it amusing to see them in the mall, clothes shopping like there’s no tomorrow. (Shopping seems to be the national pastime here). I even saw one in the lingerie section holding up a pink furry bra! I totally wish I had captured that on film, it was hysterical. I have noticed quite a lot of wild and crazy lingerie for sale, too, tucked away in the back of the souks (shops). It makes me wonder how these women make up for their “repressed” wardrobe when they’re behind closed doors…

Some people claim that underneath those robes, many of the women are dressed to the nines in the very latest and greatest of the fashion world. I can believe it, since somebody must be buying all those designer clothes for sale in the mall. I found one shirt I liked at an exclusive department store, only to realize that it cost $1,200 USD. On the other hand, my hairdresser says that a lot of the women just wear nightgowns underneath. She knows that because when they go to the women-only beauty “saloons” (as they are called) they take the abayas off before having their hair done. Heck, if I had to wear one, I wouldn’t wear anything at all underneath. It’s just too frickin’ hot in the summer here.

Possible Benefits

There must be benefits though, or so many women wouldn’t choose to wear them. And it is supposedly a matter of choice here in Kuwait, for which I am very grateful. (According to the internet, other countries like Saudia Arabia force all women, even non-Muslims, to wear the full gear). For example, grooming requirements must definitely be minimized. Who needs to wash and style hair and spend hours on makeup when no one outside of your own home is going to see it? Maybe they are really getting the last laugh, and while we westerners think they are oppressed they actually feel liberated. Perhaps they don’t have to worry about being objectified or judged based on their appearance, about the media’s obsession with outward physique, about having “rock-hard” abs, or any of that. (I’d love to hear your opinions on this).

Inappropriate Questions

Onto more trivial thoughts, though, I wonder if they shave their legs. Many other inappropriate questions have crossed my mind…. such as, how do they go to the bathroom in those things? Well, I found out - unfortunately for me AND for the elderly woman I surprised in the IKEA public restroom. She had forgotten to lock the stall door and I accidentally walked in on her. I didn’t look too closely of course, but apparently, they just hike their robes up and have a seat. Too much information?

Eating Out

I also found out how they manage to go out to eat. Because of course, some of the most traditional women wouldn’t dare to show their face uncovered in public. So, many restaurants here have small closed-off private dining rooms where a family can eat in relative privacy. Just for the novelty of it, Sin and I ate in a “cabin”, as they call them, at a local Indian restaurant. The host closed the sliding door after seating us, and we felt kind of weird sitting there alone. Like, “Do they think we’re being naughty in here?” Every time the waiter came back, he knocked several times instead of opening the door. We couldn’t figure out what to say to let him know it was ok to enter. We tried, “Come in” to no avail, followed by “Enter,” then “Yes.” Finally Sin stood up and opened the door himself. After about the fifth time this scene was repeated, we decided that it was actually kind of annoying. We tried to communicate to the waiter (who did speak English, after all) that it was ok to leave the door open, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

Actually, the other day I saw a woman eating wearing a face veil in Chili’s Restaurant, which doesn’t have the little cabins available. She carefully stuck a forkful of food underneath her veil to her mouth, managing to eat without showing any of her face. It looked like it required a lot of focus and concentration. The straw came in handy so that she could drink her soda without spilling it. She didn’t seem to think any of this was out of the ordinary, and ate her entire meal like this, sneaking bits of food under her veil. Of course, I had no way to know whether she made a mess under there or not! But she seemed quite skilled.

—Mary Sincioco