Episode 16:  April of 2005

April 26, 2005 8:00 a.m. (Baghdad Time)
Al Asad, Iraq
By LCpl Sincioco
Revised on April 19, 2008

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
—George Smith Patton, Jr. (1885-1945)

April Fool's Day

“Attention Al Asad!  Attention Al Asad!  I repeat, this is not a drill…”

I reached to turn off my alarm clock only to come to a realization I was just having a dream.  I looked on my wrist watch to find the date.  It’s funny how your mind plays tricks on you on April Fool’s Day.

New Work Schedule

If March was a good month, April was an even better month.  Switching to an 8-hour fixed-schedule makes for a big difference in quality of life here.  Now that our work-hours are shorter, the days go by real quick.  We get to do more of the things of what we want to do.  I’ve had more time to spend with my roommates to either play games, PT or go to the gym.  Each day is nothing but a blink of an eye.  In short, life has become a whole lot more fun!  And, Iraq has become a whole lot more bearable.

8th Comm in Town

We had a few of our higher-ups from 8th Comm come and visit us here in Al Asad; Major Delaney, 1st Sergeant Corbin and LtCol Helfrich just to name a few.  I thought it was nice of them to stop by and see how we were doing.  They wanted to know how we were being treated and if we had any complaints.  We told them we were being well taken care of by 28 Comm Squadron.  They told us they’ve heard nothing but good things about us.  I’m sure they say that to every unit they visit.  But nevertheless, it felt good.  A pat in the back comes a long way around here.  It was a short visit, which made it sweet!

Captain’s Chairs

Sometime in February, I was browsing OfficeDepot.com for a computer chair.  Capt. Lane came on deck and asked what I was doing.  I told him I was looking to buy a chair.  I pointed at the $20 dollar Office Depot metal chairs we have and reminded him how bad those are on the back in the long run.  Think ergonomic here.  I came from Corporate America where having a good chair has a direct positive correlation on job performance.

Amazed or amused, by my a-typical for a Lance Corporal behavior, he told me, “Go select the chair you want and we’ll open-purchase it for you.”  I replied, “Great!  Could I get one for Sgt Williams to?”  He said, “Sure.”

April came and so did our chairs.  I selected two-$50 computer chairs from Office Depot.  When our chairs arrived it was nothing like what we had submitted for open purchase.  We didn’t get the cheap computer chair like I had selected.  Instead, we got two executive-leather chairs.  My reaction was, “Wow-zers!”

Master Sergeant Smith came on deck later that evening and noticed our brand-spanking new leather chairs.  He joked, “Hey devil dogs, if you want to keep these chairs, you’d better take them with you when you go home tonight.  Or else, I’ll take one of them when you guys leave.  Sorry, Master Sergeant’s privilege.”  I laughed and replied, “I don’t think you can take them Master Sergeant.”  “Oh, I’ll talk to Captain Lane if I have too,” he threatened.  “Alright Master Sergeant, but just to let you know, it was Captain Lane that got us these chairs in the first place.”

Suffice to say, the chairs are still with us DSIDs.  You know that commercial where Bart says, “Nobody had better lay a finger on my Butterfinger?”  Well, nobody had better lay a finger on the DSID chairs, for they are my Captain’s chairs.

Pirated “Haji” DVDs

The irony about pirated DVDs here in Al Asad is that the principal customers are the American Armed Forces.  I can think of only three things that keep our sanity here.  DVDs, music and the Internet.  People here don’t play cards to kill time like the “good old days”, at least, not that I’ve seen around at work.  Instead, we watch DVDs, movies or TV shows.  We write emails or surf the Internet.  Or, we listen to music.  Those are the three things that keep our sanity in-check.

When I think of it, I have never downloaded an MP3 until I got to Iraq.  In fact, I have never purchased a pirated DVD movie before either—until now, that is.  Some “haji” DVDs are actually of excellent quality.  If it is a movie where a Hollywood DVD exists, then you get the exact Hollywood version of the DVD.  Better yet, they cram two movies on one DVD, because they remove all the extra audio tracks, previews, and extra features.  As a part of the marketing, they would usually cram two movies that relate to each other.  For instance, I bought Bruce Almighty, which also came with Majestic; both are Jim Carrey movies.  If you buy Terminator I, you’ll also get Terminator II.  You get the idea.

If it is a new movie, then you get the traditional bootleg version, where a guy with a video camera records it in the theater.  I don’t like the traditional bootleg version.  I don’t even watch it.  I guess, there’s a certain level I've come to expect; and hearing a guy laugh, cough and giggle as he holds the video camera is just now for me.  What am I saying?!  Have I lost my mind?  I’d watch a bootleg version of the upcoming Star Wars III movie any day!

Play with My Emotions

On April 15th, we had to decide whether we wanted to volunteer for the next deployment rotation.  There really was nothing to decide on my part.  I had already set expectations back home that I could be here in Iraq for as long as 16-17 months.  When the time came to ask for volunteers, I was told that practically everyone in my platoon, with a few exceptions, volunteered to stay for the next rotation.  Sure, maybe it was a ploy (I’m not that naïve, you know).  That meant, Mummey and Serrato, like what we talked about in the rear (U.S.), volunteered to stay.  So, I figured, hey, why go back to the rear when I wouldn’t know anyone anymore anyway.  So, I agreed to stay for another deployment rotation.

It provided a temporary relief.  What’s worst than not knowing, is not knowing for sure.  Up until that point, I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay for the next deployment.  I wrote in one of my previous episodes that I had a hunch we weren’t going to stay for more than one rotation.  And guess what?  That hunch seemed to be right, so far (knock on wood).

After asking for volunteers to stay, they told us a few days later that they won’t be needing us after all.  Which immediately brought a reaction of what-the-@#$!  They asked for volunteers, we volunteered, and then they told us never mind.  My beloved Corps, so it would seem, has a way with playing with my emotions.

Oh well, at least now I’m looking forward to going back in the States.  You don’t know what it’s like to miss the good-old U.S.-of-A until you've been in Iraq.  I long for the little things Americans take for granted, such as going to the movies, walking in a mall, and eating at the restaurant of my choice.  Choice and freedom, the very quintessence that makes us Americans, are in short supply here.

Machine Gun Class

On April 23rd, LCpl Schuster and I attended a machine-gun class in our make-shift rifle range here in Al Asad.  I expected we would fire a series weapons, like an AK47, a SAW (semi-automatic weapon), or a 50-caliber.  Alas, we only ended up firing our M16A2 Service Rifle and a SAW.  Schuster and I were all excited over firing a SAW.  Ever since the days of MCT, the SAW has been a much sought after weapon to fire.  It is one of the newer weapons in our arsenal.

As it would turn out, unless you know how to fire a SAW, and unless the SAW has been calibrated (BZOed) for you, you cannot hit a damn thing with it.  Schuster and I had 30 rounds each, for a total of 60 rounds, and we did not even hit the target.  Not even once!  Two other Marines got on the same SAW and did not hit the target either.  That's a total 120 rounds! Firing a semi-automatic weapon at a stationary target only 35 yards away and our imaginary insurgent lived to tell about it.  How incredibly sad is that?!

Give me a mouse and keyboard and I might be able to take down more insurgents than a SAW.  I'll whack them with the keyboard and choke them with the mouse cord.

We did a whole lot better with our M16 than with a SAW.  Of the 26 rounds we sent down range, 6 of them for calibrating purposes, I managed to hit the target 15 times.  The rest of the shots still landed on the paper, just not in the target.  Schuster managed to hit the target 12 times.  And, for a young Marine who plays first-person shooting all the time, I thought he'd do a whole lot better.  It has been said before, "video games are not a substitute for the real thing."

Good Day to Be Alive

One the morning of April 23rd, I wrote my mom an email telling her that it was great we haven't been attack in a long while.  I had high hopes that a whole month would pass by without us receiving an IDF (indirect fire).  Well, I guess I should have knocked on wood harder because, later that day, the world shook.

Schuster and I just came back from our machine gun class.  He stayed at the Segovia (Internet Cafe) to get in touch with his wife, while I went back to the Tin Can to get a much needed shower.  As I was getting out of the shower, I heard a loud, "GAAAAHH THOOOMMPPP!"  That blast was dangerously close and loud.  It shook the shower-trailer and the blast echoed—ringing my ear for a little while.  I remarked, "Oh well, there goes another IDF.  Time to put on our flak jacket and Kevlar."

It was the closest and loudest blast we've had since I been here.  Schuster nearly hit the deck—he crouched to the deck.  There were two or three IDFs fired, depending on whom you ask.  I only heard the one closest to the Tin Can.  We found out that the Tin Cans were only about 100 to 150 yards away from the impact.  Close?  Dangerously close!

But that's not all.

The very spot where the 7-ton truck we rode in to and from the rifle range was parked received an IDF.  Had we been delayed in leaving the rifle range by mere hours, this story may never have been written.

It would seem I missed a rendezvous with the Almighty twice on the same day.  But I'm sure He'll take a rain check.  He always does.

—LCpl Sincioco
United States Marine Corps, 8th Comm BN, Support Co., Data Platoon

P.S.:   "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
—Woody Allen (b. 1935)