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Episode 17: LCpl Schuster
May 2, 2005 1:30 p.m. (Baghdad Time)
Al Asad, Iraq
By LCpl Sincioco
Revised on April 20, 2008
"If I don't know the truth, how can I lie?"
—Eric M. Schuster
The Past in the Present
Have you ever met someone who seemed oddly familiar? Even if you've never met this person before? It’s not because he reminds you of someone you know. It's worst. He reminds you of yourself!
Schuster, with his many "enduring" qualities, of which no shortage of immaturity is one of them, reminds me of my younger teenage years. The always smiling prankster, who lives by his own set of ideals and rules, acts as though no consequences may come to him regardless of what he says or does. We have affectionately nicknamed this behavior, Schuster's World.
Schuster's World
What is Schuster's World?
Schuster's World is like being in the Matrix. You are The One, the center of everything; the whole world revolves around you and your needs. You can say and do things without fear of judgment or consequences. You have no concept of race, culture, age or time. In other words, you are invincible.
Here's a peek from Schuster's World.
Chow Hall: "Sin needs more rice, because he's Asian."
Car: "Asians drive a Japanese car."
Size: "Since you're Asian, you have a smaller ____."
Gym: "At the sound of a gong, push!"
Race: "Only Whites are Americans."
Inventions: "The Chinese invented...Chinese things."
Chow Hall: "You want chopsticks, Sin?"
When I hear these generalizations from Schuster, I laugh.
Military Bearing
One afternoon, while I was installing the Marine Corps Electronic Log (MCEL) to one of the Data Platoon’s server, Schuster came up to me.
"What are you doing, Sin?"
"Installing the electronic log," I replied.
He grabbed a little ball and showed it to me.
"Is it a ball or an egg?"
"What?" I asked.
"Which is it? A ball or an egg?" he asked insistently.
He knew I was busy, which was precisely why he was pestering me.
"A ball," I annoyingly replied.
He opened his hand and it turned out to be a small plastic oblong-shaped egg (kind of like a football). He showed me just enough of it to make it look like a basketball. He smiled, like the sort of smile my nephew, Gene, would give me whenever he outsmarts me on something.
"Why do you always smile, Schuster?" I asked just to be just as annoying.
Ironically, this is the very same question I get asked at times.
"I don't always smile, I don't smile when I'm mad," he explained.
"Get mad, let's see it," I dared him.
He tightened the muscles on his face and his lips.
"You look like you're having constipation," I said.
Schuster burst into laughter.
"It's because you're making me laugh."
"I'm making you laugh? No, you're making me laugh."
That's what it's like whenever Schuster is around, always smiling about everything; the hallmark of the personality we both share.
Trouble in the Can
Schuster wasn't lying about not smiling when he is mad. When he's really mad, he really doesn't smile. And the joking remarks? They become tongue lashes.
I had their platoon Sergeant poke his head in our Tin Can while they were being noisy one night while LCpl Salazar was asleep.
"You're a backstabber, Sin. I can't believe you did that," Schuster wondered angrily as he shook his head left to right.
"Hey man, I've talked to you about headphones probably 10 times, sent you an email about it, and you guys still gaff me off. What do you want me to do next?" I asked.
"I don't care if someone is sleeping. Majority rules! There's more of us awake and want to watch a DVD," he argued.
"No Schuster, majority doesn't always rule," I rebutted.
"You're such a Nazi, Sin. Welcome to the United States, where the majority rules. You're going to pay for it in the gym tomorrow, Sin."
At the time, I couldn't tell how seriously angry he was at me. He still had somewhat of a smile on his face as he and I exchanged a few not-so-kind words. Maybe, it was a smile of disbelief. It wasn't clear until the next day how mad he was when he stopped talking to me, or when he does, it's usually some threatening or degrading remark.
"I'm going to find a rattle snake and put it in your sleeping bag, Sin. So you can die like the snake you are," he threatened.
LCpl Salazar laughed. Schuster cannot help but be funny even when he is mad. It's his nature.
Salazar replied.
"Soon, we'll see Schuster dead at the side of a road because he's trying to catch a rattle snake to kill you with, Sin."
We laughed.
But it was no laughing matter for Schuster when he got docked on his pros and cons and got counseled over the use of headphones the following day. I apologized to him many times over it—and meant every single one of them too—as it was not my intent for him to get into any serious trouble over it.
"When my pros and cons reflect your apology, I'll forgive you, Sin," he remarked with an attitude.
I tried to appease him for the next couple of days, but he was playing hard-to-forgive.
A Man of Honor
It wasn't until the day before our machine gun class that he forgave me. How? By getting me back; that's how.
Corporal Cooksey came on deck in our Tin Can at 1500.
"Is Sin, here?" he asked.
"Yeah, he's sleeping," someone replied.
"Get up, Sin! You had a machine gun brief at 1445," he said.
Nice! I woke up 15 minutes late for my machine gun brief.
As I was getting ready, Schuster came on deck. He was still mad at me, but he couldn't resist the opportunity to gloat. He knew I was late for the machine gun brief because he had just come back from it.
"Ha-haaaa. You're going to get your ass-chewed by Gunny Partin," Schuster remarked happily. "He used to be a drill instructor and I heard he chew Marines' ass so loud that he makes them cry," he gloated.
Realize that sometimes for Schuster, a man's misery is his joy. And this was definitely one of those oh-so-sweet sometimes.
"You should hurry up, Sin. They're looking for you," he hurried.
I grabbed my hygiene bag and water bottle.
"What?! You're going to hygiene, but you're already late! You're out of your mind, Sin!"
"I'm already late, and if he's going to chew my ass over being late, I might as well have a fresh breath," I replied jokingly.
I opened the door and noticed how hot it was. It was probably over 100 degrees that afternoon. I got back in the Tin Can, put on my cammies and my rifle over my shoulder. As I was about to step out, Schuster stopped me.
"Wait! You need your flak jacket and Kevlar, Sin. They need to do an inspection to make sure your gear is good to go for tomorrow [for the range]."
"Are you serious?" I asked to make sure I heard right.
"Yes!" Schuster replied.
"Man, that sucks. It's so freaking hot outside."
"Suck it up, Sin. Go ahead, get your ass chewed too for not wearing your gear," he remarked, as if looking out for me.
I put on my gear and prepared to meet my fate at the Company Office. As I was approaching the Company Office, I came across Corporal Cates and Corporal Monroe who were late for the brief too. They both told me to turn around. I asked what Gunny Partin told them. Suffice to say, neither wanted to repeat it.
Luckily for me, I did not have to meet Gunny Partin. Sometimes, it pays off not to rush when you're already late. And this was definitely one of those oh-so-rare sometimes.
I also noticed neither Corporals were wearing their gear. I asked if it was still required. Both of them looked at me funny, "Didn't you get the word? Flak jacket and Kevlar are optional now." My immediate thought?
"Fucking Schuster!"
When I came back to the Tin Can later that day all sweaty, Schuster was laughing his ass off. Finally, Schuster was back to his smiling prankster self.
In Schuster's World, revenge is best served hot.
"That's fucked up, Schuster. I can't believe you let me walk out of here with my gear on while it is so hot outside."
"Ha-haaa. I waited for like 60 seconds before I told Salazar. By then, you had walked too far way for him to yell for you to come back."
"Good Schuster, just fuck Sin, right? You're such a blue falcon [buddy fucker]."
In Schuster's world, two wrong makes a right.
So, with both of us having done each other wrong, the score was finally even.
"Now, I can forgive you, Sin. I finally got you back," he said smiling.
"I still can't believe you did that Schuster. You're the first Marine that's ever lied to me, straight-out, even after I asked if you were serious."
"Ha-haaa. I get to be the honorary first," he boasted.
I wanted to know if he was sincere about forgiving me over the whole headphone-pros-and-cons thing.
"You want to shake hand on that, Schuster?" I asked.
Having lied to me already on the same day, I was not sure if it was wise of me to strike a deal with him so soon.
Surprisingly, he grabbed my hand and shook it.
To this day, he has not given me any fret over the whole headphone-pros-and-cons thing anymore. I'm not sure if he'll ever completely forgive me over it, but at least Schuster is sticking to his end of the deal.
The man has honor.
I Believe I Can Fly
One thing you can count on Schuster is that he's not afraid to be different or stand out.
In Schuster's World, no means yes.
On April 24, 2005 the weather in Al Asad was really dusty. Schuster and I were having fun with the wind on our way to the chow hall. The wind was so strong we had to lean towards one direction just so we could walk a straight path. He was consumed with the idea that he was a ninja, for he was dressed like one. He was wearing his Wiley X (protective eye goggles), and neck gator over his nose and mouth. We saw a tree bended over, giving way to the strong wind. I casually mentioned about some Marines trying to fly with their poncho on a windy day. Schuster got all excited.
Now, some kids would take an idea and fly with it. Schuster took the idea and literally attempted to fly with it.
As soon as we got back to the Tin Can, he hurriedly tried to find his poncho and some 550-cord. He rigged himself a parachute. Except, he wasn't going to jump out of an airplane with it, he was going to attempt to catch the wind and hopefully fly with it.
Much to his disappointment, after several attempts, either the wind wasn't strong enough or his make-shift parachute just needed more work.
Schuster did not entirely fail that day. He never fails to get noticed. This is one young man who is not afraid to try an idea even if everyone else around him have already told him he would fail; for if he fails nothing would be lost, perhaps just his pride and ego; but if he succeeds the more glorious the glory would be.
It takes character to go against the crowd than follow it. Schuster demonstrated he had more than enough that day.
Patience at Chow
Young people are always attributed with lacking patience. Schuster can be very impatient at times. When he is expecting a video game from the mail he will check and ask about mail daily, much to the annoyance of those who handles them. But, where Schuster is most patient is where most of his peers are not—at the chow hall.
When I first started going to the chow hall with Schuster, I had already pre-warned him that I eat very slow. I expected that he would rush me every time. But much to my surprise, he doesn't. Except for the occasional remark of "you eat so slow, Sin." He sits there, patiently, and waits for me to finish every meal. He uses the time wisely, instead of just sitting there quietly looking at his watch every few minutes, he'll converse with me.
Life After the Corps
Where you will find some of Schuster's more mature nature is when you ask him what he wants to do after his 4 years is up. Most Marines have no clue what they want to do once they get out of the Marine Corps, which is why some re-enlist. The Marine Corps is the only way of life they've ever known, and to leave that comfortable life style in place of the unknown, the civilian world, is very scary for some—even for a Marine. It's the FUD factor: Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt.
"Are you re-enlisting, Schuster?"
"Hell, no! I want to make more money, Sin. It's all about the money."
"What do you want to do when you get out?"
"I want to do networking. Take my certifications, and make money!" he said enthusiastically.
"That's pretty good, Schuster."
"I want to learn as much in the Marine Corps as I can, and use that knowledge to make money later."
"You're one smart cookie, Schuster."
"I know," he smiled.
In the Present
I wrote most of this story while sitting next to Schuster. He'll occasionally take a break from his game and take a peek at my screen.
"Come on, Sin. Just let me read what you've written about me," he asked in an anxious voice.
"No, Schuster. It's not finished."
"Come on, just let me read what you've written so far," he insisted.
"People are not supposed to show their unfinished work."
"Come on, Sin. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I'll be thinking about it."
"No, Schuster."
"Come on, man. Please...please...please," he begged and whined.
"No, Schuster. Stop begging!"
He snaps his finger changed his voice to a drill instructor-like voice.
"I expect that to be done first thing in the morning, Sin."
"Aye, aye, Lance Corporal!" I replied.
We both laughed.
These Are My Reflections
LCpl Salazar and I would have conversations about Schuster once in a while. Salazar's main complaint is that Schuster behaves too immature and far too annoying for his age. Schuster is 20 years old, German decent, who grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio; and is about to be a father very soon. At times, he behaves more like he's 16.
In Schuster's world, kids have kids.
"Give Schuster a few years, he'll turn out just fine," I told Salazar.
"How do you know, Sin?"
"Trust me."
"How? I just don't see how?" Salazar searched his mind for the remote possibility.
I smiled.
"You're the only one who can tolerate Schuster, Sin. I don't know how?" Salazar wondered.
"Because I used to be just as annoying as Schuster when I was younger. To hate him would be to hate my younger self."
"No way, Sin. I can't imagine you were ever like Schuster."
"I was. I laugh when I see Schuster pester you. It reminds me of how I used to be. I must have been an annoying teenager."
When I see Schuster and Salazar interact, I feel like I've traveled back in time and I'm looking at myself and my best friend interact from a third person point of view. When they get into debates and arguments, I just sit there in my corner smiling. It's a pretty weird feeling; it's like having a front row seat of the past in the present.
Schuster reminds me of my younger self, the one who was so eager to out into the world and work for Corporate America. He knows the value of the skills he is learning now, and by how much more it would be worth coupled with his military service, and certifications or degree. Schuster may be young and immature at times, but don't let that fool you. Beneath it all is a bright young Marine, with enough character and courage to succeed with just about anything he sets his mind to—he just needs to grow up a little.
We were all young and immature once. But, we all made the mistake of growing up too fast. Now, let's not rush Schuster who wants to take his time and have fun along the way.
In Schuster's world everyone is a kid...again.
—LCpl Sincioco
United States Marine Corps,
8th Comm BN, Support Co., Data Platoon
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